Google is set to close its doors for good as bored members of the public cease looking for random shit through its search engine, opting instead to annoy the fuck out of their friends and aquaintances on Facebook.
It’s a trend that’s been growing rapidly since attention seeking became the number one pass time for bored social media addicts, with ‘can anyone recommend’ now the most popular phrase used on Facebook since it was founded in 2004.
And, after a rapid decline in use of the world’s former favourite search engine, Google has been left with little choice but to pack it up and concentrate its efforts on other projects.
Google staring a losing battle in the face
A recent study found nine in ten people now ask for recommendations on situations purely to announce something they’ve already planned to do months before. 95% of the people surveyed who’d recently asked for a decorating recommendation admitted they’d already booked a decorator and put down a deposit before they posted their bullshit all over the shop, but found it to be the perfect solution in their quest to increase social media attention.
In a statement released by Google they said, “For years we were super blagged into thinking we were providing a legitimate service to the public, whilst the whole time people were only really using us for porn and stalking. The several trillion search terms used since Google was first formed have been nothing more than people bored out of their skull looking for random crap on the internet for shits and giggles. Once they realised they could turn that into an attention seeking mechanism on Facebook we were fucked. If they don’t get eighty Facebook likes and two hundred recommendations for them to turn down as unsuitable they aren’t interested these days”.