Man dies of boredom after chance meeting with new parents

An image to depict gushing new parents

A man has been pronounced dead at the scene after dying of boredom when meeting a couple of new parents he inadvertently got stuck talking to whilst waiting for his friend outside Costa on George Street in Altrincham’s Stamford Quarter.

Czech student, Rudi Siktdeathovit, bumped into the gushing couple whilst waiting for his friend to be served his double macchiato in a medium cup, hot milk, no foam. As the queue was rammed, with up to two people waiting at the time, the transaction took much longer than expected and Mr Siktdeathovit found himself trapped, forced to listen to the inane ramblings of the happy new parents.

Local police officer Sonia Dibbleson said, “We were called to the scene at approximately 9:25am, the ambulance crew had already arrived and did their best to resuscitate Mr Siktdeathovit, but unfortunately there was nothing they could do to revive him. He had been well and truly bored to fuckin’ death”.

An eye witness at the scene told us “I’d bumped into them myself in Wilkos a few minutes earlier. They were clearly brand new parents utterly intent on telling anyone who’d listen about their hilarious and very unique situations involving lack of sleep and being covered in baby sick. I could feel the life draining from me so I had to make an excuse about my weak bladder to escape”.

Couple released without charge

The excitable new parents were released without charge a few hours after the incident took place, but have been warned to pack it the fuck up following similar complaints made to police by their Facebook friends and other suffering members of the public.

It’s thought the couple now plan to share the hilarity through their very own unique parenting blog, so only people interested in their shit are subjected to it going forward.

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