Don’t call the midwife: NHS to rename role to reflect gender neutrality

An image to depict the NHS

The end of hundreds of years of midwifery is upon us as the NHS is set to rename the role of midwife to reflect 2018’s gender neutral crusade.

Following reports this week that men are to be offered cervical smear tests, the NHS has increased its efforts to further eradicate gender from the treasured service for good. NHS managers are hard at work gender neutralising all aspects of the service with midwives first on the list.

NHS spokesman Yumusbe Kiddinme said, “Gone are the days where identifying your gender was as simple as having a glance between your legs to see which bits nature had given you. Since the Snowflake movement things are much more complicated now and the NHS must move with the times. The role of midwife will be renamed as non binary pregnancy operative from February 1″.

Toilets and wards next on the NHS gender agenda

Gender specific toilets will be replaced with unisex alternatives by the end of summer, and replacement names are already being put forward for the mother and baby unit.

Yumusbe Kiddinme defended the renaming of the unit saying “As we can no longer be certain if the person giving birth identifies as a mother we’ve been left with little choice but to act quickly. Factor in the issue of the small human possibly identifying as an adult, and you have a potential shit storm on your hands further down the line”.


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