Wankaholic’s resignation forces Prime Minister into cabinet reshuffle

An image to depict the cabinet reshuffle from Theresa May on January 8 2018

Theresa May has been forced into a cabinet reshuffle following Damian Green’s resignation, after it was sensationally revealed he’d been regularly knocking one out to internet porn at his desk whilst on the job.

Wankaholic Mr Green was forced to resign after it was revealed he’d been lying about porn found on his Commons computer. It’s left the Prime Minister with a problematic cabinet reshuffle, however according to sources she plans to act quickly to reduce any further upheaval.

Cabinet reshuffle: Who’s in and who’s out?

After a rapid decline in education standards, Education Secretary Justine Greening is thought to be high on the Prime Minister’s hit list with renowned genius Joey Essex coming in as her replacement.

Conservative Party chairman Sir Patrick McLoughlin is to be axed, with Gary Glitter slotting in to fill the gap as the resident party nonce.

Business Secretary Greg Clark will also face the chop, thought not to be corrupt enough by many high ranking Conservatives, he will be replaced by all round cunt Nicholas van Hoogstraten.

As nobody is entirely sure what Andrea Leadsom did as Leader of the Commons, the role is to be made redundant forthwith and any money saved will be spent on children’s toys to keep Boris entertained and out of bother.

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