Santa has been left raging at the prospect of what he’s described as a ‘Christmas night-shift shit storm.’
On a recent appearance on ITV’s Loose Women Santa asked, “How the fuck is one man, nine reindeer and a hand full of elves supposed to keep up with the demand nowadays? I’m getting far too old for this shit, people continue to recklessly populate the earth at a ridiculous rate and it’s taking its toll more than ever now, I’m thinking about jacking it all in to be honest”.
Both panel and studio guests were left visibly shaken at the outburst, however he went on further, “You know how predictably unreliable the Christmas post is with Royal Mail every year, I simply do not understand why you can’t just get in the 21st Century and Whatsapp me like you do every other knob-head. If I don’t get the memo don’t come whingeing to me later, I’ll be on holiday mate”.
World’s population rising quicker than ever before
The world’s population has risen inexplicably in less than a hundred years from 2 billion in 1927 to 7.6 billion in 2017, so it’s little wonder Santa is starting to struggle.
The tooth fairy has also voiced concerns with irresponsible population, however has also made strong accusations aimed at the Easter Bunny in terms of extra the workload too.
In a statement released by his solicitor Santa said,
The amount of gifts these little bastards expect is beyond the joke, and when you take into consideration the sheer volume of them these days with people popping them out left, right and centre for fuckin’ fun, there comes a time where you have to say enough is enough. If I don’t see a concerted worldwide effort to bag it up and cut down on pregnancy going forward you can shove it up your arse next year – no jokes!