Trump tells London “You’re fired”, installing Skegness as new capital

An image to depict Donald Trump disgusted at Theresa May's recent comments about the President

What’s the psychotic, orange, screaming shit-gibbon done now? Edition #1.

Ahead of his planned state visit, President Donald Trump had a few strongly worded suggestions for Theresa May and Her Majesty The Queen via his Twitter account on how he would improve the UK – whilst taking it upon himself to make the biggest one of all for them at a White House news conference the following afternoon.

After a series of recent clashes between the President and Mrs May, Mr Trump said, “I’m no longer comfortable dealing with London. The people seem a little bit gobby and don’t listen or respond to repetitive drivel or hand gestures. I think it’s time we had a change around here, and following my success in handing over Jerusalem to Israel I’ve decided upon Skegness as my choice for England’s next capital, thank you.”

Trump lets rip on Twitter

The sensational outburst came off the back of what appeared to be a sleepless night for the President.

In a series of controversial tweets throughout the night the President had these suggestions for the UK’s hierarchy.

“The UK people are fumes about foreign people moving there without being able to speak English. Yet the government have sat back idly for centuries allowing the North East to speak Danish, it’s ridiculous, really it is, I would stop that immediately.” 

“If I were Monarch I’d have no hesitation stepping in and telling Prince Harry he’d be wiser to adopt and halt the spread of ginger children throughout the Royal house. The Bible says they have no souls and that’s good enough for me.” 

“The PM seems to have had too much time to comment on issues concerning the USA, you’d think she’d have bigger things to worry about, I mean have you seen Birmingham? You guys know what I’m talking about.”

Her Maj left greatly unimpressed

Sources close to the Royals say The Queen had to be physically restrained after threatening to “give the hoofwanking bunglecunt a call to tell him to fuck royally right orrff”.

Thus far Buckingham Palace has remained tight lipped, with no statement planned any time soon to avoid the attention seeking shitbag creating the circus he craves, but it’s safe to say Mr Trump has talked himself firmly out of afternoon tea at the palace when he finally arrives.

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